Six Weeks Out

Breaking news: We are all fucked.

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November 8th — the big day, Election Day. It’s drawing ever nearer and, for many, instilling more dread with every passing moment. We are left with two options, one unsavory and the other downright revolting. Deceit or contempt. Warm gin or bottom shelf tequila. Brussels sprouts or dog shit.


In case you were wondering, The New York Times  has Brussels sprouts two points ahead of dog shit in the polls with a 74% chance of winning in November.


In the matter of Clinton v. Trump, there are a few things to consider. The first of which is the simple truth that the American public is so completely fed up with the state of American politics that most of us just want this shitshow, the most absurd and outlandish presidential election in decades, to finally be over with.

Such being the case, and given how polarized said public has become, it’s not too much of a stretch to predict that, six weeks from now, there will be a large number of voters casting ballots out of sheer spite. Of course, that’s been done before, but it’s hard to think of any two candidates over the last century who’ve inspired as much vitriol — deserved or not — as these two.

Mrs. Clinton is an extremely talented, highly experienced and equally so capable politician who also happens to be shady as fuck. Trump is Trump. You’ve seen or heard it all at this point, so I won’t waste your time or my energy on saying what’s already been said. Point being that, any way you look at it, there exists no scenario in which the general electorate will be even primarily satisfied with the 45th President of the United States.


Some childish part of me wants to start taking bets on 2017 approval ratings, despite knowing it’s a bit premature.


Lest we forget, that’s never really been the point. Commanders in Chief are not put in office to be liked — though that often helps. They are put in office to command, to lead a nation, which begs the obvious question: who, of these two, is better equipped, more suited to lead a nation?

Who can be entrusted with access to the world’s most powerful standing army? With preserving the stability of one of the world’s strongest economies? With maintaining the critical integrity  of diplomatic relations on an international scale?

Even if you are a Trump supporter, somewhere, deep within your conscience, repressed like a Saudi prince’s homosexuality, you know the answer to these questions. You must, because the single most jeopardizing factor, the worst thing that ever happened to Donald Trump’s presidential bid is his campaign; or in other words, himself. Look at it objectively.

A man with a widely recognized history of violent rhetoric should not have access to the world’s most powerful standing army. Similarly, a man with a long list of spectacularly failed business ventures (who is also prone to embellishing the source/extent of his personal wealth) should not be trusted with preserving the stability of our national economy — especially as it so heavily impacts global economy. And, needless to say, a man so tactless and obtuse as Mr. Trump can and should never be even remotely involved with diplomacy of any kind.


These aren’t wild allegations. Actually, they’re not even allegations, just verities.


Alternatively, the arguments to be made against Mrs. Clinton are that she ought not be trusted with national security due to the widely publicized controversy regarding her State Department emails, or, if you’re really far gone, that she is a woman. In which latter case I wish you the best of luck trying to stand on that amputated leg.

Hillary Clinton is someone I would prefer not to vote for, but also the clear and only choice when it comes to yours on Election Day. I’m not saying that as a liberal, a Democrat, or even as someone who is politically inclined. I’m saying it as an American citizen who is concerned for the future of his country. Whether or not you hate Hillary and want to see her lose is irrelevant, just as loathing and pettiness with regard to Trump are, too.


Though it’s true,  I wish that man ill.


Your vote is a civil right, a civic duty, and thus a sacred thing. We can’t afford to cast ours based on anything less than the candidates’ collective abilities to be President. Hate her all you want, but it’s Hillary or bust. So it looks like we’d all better develop a taste for Brussels sprouts, because chances are good that eight years of them await.

Eat your damn vegetables, America.

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